Just Me and My Self Doubt

While preparing for the move I became really stressed out and made a somewhat rash decision to put the kids in school once we got here. I rationalized it by saying that it would just be to try out until Christmas. The kids have been pretty excited about trying the schools out. Today was their first day. They all had pretty good days and loved buying hot lunch. I must admit that I had hoped that I would be more at peace with this decision once today came, but I am not. The day felt so wrong without my kids home with me, and I felt misplaced not preparing for their lessons. Unless you have homeschooled I don't think you can truly understand how empty you can feel when not doing it. I honestly just needed a break from everything but forgot about how lost I might feel while taking it. Homeschooling is really tough and there is still part of me that feels like this was the right choice for right now given the amount of stress I've been under but second guessing myself and my decisions is something that I never seem to get away from. So for now this is how it's going to be. I'm not sure what the future holds for us or where we'll be in a year but for now this is the life we're going to lead. Have I mentioned how much I miss my kitchen=( I miss my gas stove, my convection oven, my pantry, all my cupboards and good water. Have I mentioned how hard it is to go back to renting for the 2nd time! It was easier the first time around, but after we bought our last house I really thought we'd never have to do it again. I'm really grateful that Jason is employed and we are working towards a nice stable life, but I just forgot once all the moving was over how hard it would be to let go of the memories of all I had to sacrifice to be here. I know that I have much to be thankful for and really I am but it just takes me a little bit to adjust my perspective and seek out the joys of this new life. Let's just face it moving is tough and the more settled you are the bigger the adjustment, and if you throw some fun pregnancy hormones into the mix it makes for quite the rollarcoaster ride. How grateful I am to be part of a church that brings such stability in my life no matter where we go I have always been able to count on the church for true consistency. We have a really good ward here and the kids all made friends. So for now Mountain Home, ID is where we call home and I'm going to do my best to make our time here enjoyable. I guess it's just good to realize that life can be hard and the only thing that you can control is your attitude.